BRAUN: Fearless celebrity predictions 2022!!

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It’s time for celebrity predictions,  2022 edition!

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You know the drill: something about the Kardashians shopping and divorcing, something about royals fighting amongst themselves, something about politicians being stupid, plus the usual wretched excess, idiocy, louche behaviour, rehab, fakery, plastic surgery, divorce and destruction; lather, rinse, repeat.

Professional psychic John Cohan has made some fabulous celebrity predictions in the past, but he’s outdone himself for the new year.

.As reported in the New York Post , Cohan predicts Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger will get into a fistfight as their feud escalates.  Because who wouldn’t want to witness the Thrilla in Senila?

The “feud” consists of Paul McCartney lobbing insults at the Rolling Stones, calling them a blues cover band, etc; nobody can be bothered to insult the “cute Beatle” back because he’s just so irrelevant at all times.

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We predict Jagger and McCartney will kiss and make up and pummel geriatric anti-vaxx racist blowhard Eric Clapton instead; our crystal ball says the famed guitarist will be just as big a tool in 2022 as ever.

John Cohan also predicts that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry will separate in 2022, something other psychics are likewise foreseeing. Not exactly a stretch, people.

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Psychic Deborah Davies is quoted in the UK Daily Star saying,   “ I think Harry is missing the UK and his family, I think Meghan is steadfast that she won’t have anything to do with the UK and I think this will cause a divide between them.”

Davies is one of many psychics who believe William will be King of England sooner than people expect, with Charles getting short shrift in the king business.

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Craig Hamilton-Parker is a psychic whose predictions for 2022 include the death of Queen Elizabeth some time after the four day celebration in June for her Platinum Jubilee — 70 years in service.

After the queen’s death, Hamilton-Parker thinks Prince Andrew will have to face the music over the whole Epstein debacle; he too believes Charles will not get to be king very long.

And he sees a big backlash against Harry and Meghan, whom he calls whingers who will eventually divorce.

He believes William and Kate will be the last British monarchs.

He also predicts a huge oil spill in Canada, so stay tuned.

Psychic Baba Vanga, who is blind and has been dead since 1996, made long-range predictions before her death and for 2022 she predicts an attack on the earth by alien forces, mass flooding and plagues of locusts.  Seems about right.

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Here are some personal prognostications:

  • The Duchess of Cambridge will get a haircut in 2022.
  • Someone will finally take Sacramento Kings’ Tristan Thompson aside and explain to him where babies come from.
  • Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk will both continue to attract enormous amounts of attention simply because they are rich.
  • Doug Ford will spontaneously combust.
  • Chris Pratt and his lovely bride Katherine Schwarzenegger  (“We fit so perfectly into each other’s lives that our Union is a daily reminder that God is looking out for us,”) will continue to inspire mass barfing wherever they go.
  • Both The Rock and Eminem will turn 50 years old in 2022. Uh, oh.
  • Adele will do a residency at Caesars Palace Hotel Las Vegas and suddenly understand all those adages about doing something just for the money.
  • Ben Affleck will discover that his comments, out of context or not, make him look like, “the worst, most insensitive, stupid, awful guy,” because he actually is.
  • Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively will continue to give to charity and be an example for everyone else to follow.

Have a happy 2022. Or not, as you wish.

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